All the times that I cried, keeping all the things I knew inside,
It’s hard, but it’s harder to ignore it.
If they were right, I’d agree, but it’s them they know not me.
Now there’s a way and I know that I have to go away.
I know I have to go.
These are some of the lyrics from one of the songs I love to listen to… and sing along to on SingStar!
Read that 3rd line. Does that not sum up parenting perfectly?
For all of those people who tell you how to parent, or suggest you are doing something wrong… If they were right, then wouldn’t you agree? But the fact of the mattter is that they AREN’T right. And yet they ARE right, all at the same time.
Every single parenting choice is right at some point in time and will always be right for some family (or families) in the world.
The key point being… “It’s them they know not me”.
No one knows your family or your child or your values or your situation better than you know your own. They do however know their own family, child, values and situation and equally make the best choices accordingly.
How much judgement do you think they get on everything they do? Yet I wonder how many people know them personally?
This week has seen a lot of media-driven discussion about home birthing. I have seen many people comment that home birth should be outlawed, highly regulated or illegal and that home birth midwives should be jailed or criminally charged for attending births. I mean really, people?
Here we are fighting for freedom of choice in every other aspect of humanity and yet there are people who think women shouldn’t have choice over their own bodies? If that’s not going backwards, I don’t know what is!
I’ve heard others suggest that a home birth midwife who was present when 3 babies died (across 5 or 6 years, mind you) should be jailed. Do you really believe that? Or do you just find it fun to jump on the bandwagon? I’m not even going to bother presenting you with the statistics here (email me if you really want them) but do your research and compare those to the deaths in a hospital in any given year. Further, for those of you who accused her of negligence do you think she should have left the women to birth on their own? I should hope not. Or if you truly do think so, you are no where near the person that she clearly is and I hope that you and I never cross paths. And those of you who accused her of being incompetent? Again, do your research. Are you basing your opinions on what you’ve read in the media? If so, I rest my case. If not, were you present at the court case? Where the coroner stated that her competence was not in question?
For those of you who think that any women who choose to home birth and find themselves in the devastating position of loosing their baby (certainly very few women are in this position!) are stupid or uneducated, do some more research. If you birthed in a hospital and lost your baby due to a medical mishap or an unnecessary medical intervention, consider what it might feel like for someone to accuse you of being stupid. Or uneducated. Further, would you choose to birth your next child (if you choose to have more) in a hospital again? Many of you would probably say yes, because you feel that is the right choice for you.
So let’s stop telling each other how to parent or how to birth. Let’s all make the choices that work for us, our families, our children, our values and our situations. I won’t mistake you advocacy for birthing the way you choose as a judgement on me, and you shouldn’t mistake my advocacy for my choices as a judgement on you. It is when you make false accusations and point your fingers at women for making the ‘wrong’ choice that I have a problem with.
Parent how you like. Birth how you like. I don’t have a problem with that. After all… It’s me that I know, not you.
Well bloody said ALEX, this also applies to choices women make in vaccinations, breastfeeding and every choice a parent makes for what they believe benefits their child. Ignorance, laziness and lack of education leads people to hop on societys general band wagon bus. It frustrates me immensely when women in paticular tell me i should vaccinate my son to “stop disease” yet when asked to provide the scientific evidence or research for pro vaccination they respond with “well thats what the Dr’s say” ! So your telling me then instead of doing your research on both sides your are going to believe what someone tells you? Gotta love a brainwashed society! God I would love to see this world if people thought for themselves and made choices based on what they feel is right rather than what society can mislead them to believe. You have a spine people, use it, stop being lazy, do your research and ask lots of questions – you might just feel empowered!
Well said Al, we should all be supporting each other whatever the choices not judging!
This is so perfectly said. I had bad complications with both pregnancies and births, so home birthing was not an option for me, but definitely something I looked into.
If people knew the real statistics of home birthing vs hospital births I think they would be shocked. I am so grateful there are still midwives willing to even do home births, even though I was unable to do one.
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I guess that’s the main thing that is sad about the whole situation – that people should still be given a choice if they want to homebirth. I love that you respect other people’s choices even if they differ from your own experiences… It seems to be a rare thing in parenting sometimes! Thanks