All the times that I cried, keeping all the things I knew inside,
It’s hard, but it’s harder to ignore it.
If they were right, I’d agree, but it’s them they know not me.
Now there’s a way and I know that I have to go away.
I know I have to go.
These are some of the lyrics from one of the songs I love to listen to… and sing along to on SingStar!
Read that 3rd line. Does that not sum up parenting perfectly?
For all of those people who tell you how to parent, or suggest you are doing something wrong… If they were right, then wouldn’t you agree? But the fact of the mattter is that they AREN’T right. And yet they ARE right, all at the same time.
Every single parenting choice is right at some point in time and will always be right for some family (or families) in the world.
The key point being… “It’s them they know not me”.
No one knows your family or your child or your values or your situation better than you know your own. They do however know their own family, child, values and situation and equally make the best choices accordingly.
This week has seen a lot of media-driven discussion about home birthing. I have seen many people comment that home birth should be outlawed, highly regulated or illegal and that home birth midwives should be jailed or criminally charged for attending births. I mean really, people?
Here we are fighting for freedom of choice in every other aspect of humanity and yet there are people who think women shouldn’t have choice over their own bodies? If that’s not going backwards, I don’t know what is!
I’ve heard others suggest that a home birth midwife who was present when 3 babies died (across 5 or 6 years, mind you) should be jailed. Do you really believe that? Or do you just find it fun to jump on the bandwagon? I’m not even going to bother presenting you with the statistics here (email me if you really want them) but do your research and compare those to the deaths in a hospital in any given year. Further, for those of you who accused her of negligence do you think she should have left the women to birth on their own? I should hope not. Or if you truly do think so, you are no where near the person that she clearly is and I hope that you and I never cross paths. And those of you who accused her of being incompetent? Again, do your research. Are you basing your opinions on what you’ve read in the media? If so, I rest my case. If not, were you present at the court case? Where the coroner stated that her competence was not in question?
For those of you who think that any women who choose to home birth and find themselves in the devastating position of loosing their baby (certainly very few women are in this position!) are stupid or uneducated, do some more research. If you birthed in a hospital and lost your baby due to a medical mishap or an unnecessary medical intervention, consider what it might feel like for someone to accuse you of being stupid. Or uneducated. Further, would you choose to birth your next child (if you choose to have more) in a hospital again? Many of you would probably say yes, because you feel that is the right choice for you.
So let’s stop telling each other how to parent or how to birth. Let’s all make the choices that work for us, our families, our children, our values and our situations. I won’t mistake you advocacy for birthing the way you choose as a judgement on me, and you shouldn’t mistake my advocacy for my choices as a judgement on you. It is when you make false accusations and point your fingers at women for making the ‘wrong’ choice that I have a problem with.
Parent how you like. Birth how you like. I don’t have a problem with that. After all… It’s me that I know, not you.