Yesterday I was lying down in my Acupuncturists office and my thoughts led me to ‘What was I doing this time last year?’
I don’t often have time to sit down and reflect but I made a conscious effort to go along with these thoughts and guess where it took me?
Back to a scary image of a very large me, waddling around, double chin, tight belly, huffing, puffing, expending a lot of energy just to walk to the toilet, very hot, slightly uncomfortable… about 40 weeks pregnant. Yes, it is 2 days out from Evie’s first birthday and it feels crazy to think about this same old self 12 months ago.
Here is one of my least-loved pregnancy photos (mainly because it shows just how chubby I am getting around the face!) and this photo is only at 37 weeks. It seems we didn’t take any more photos after that! Not even a side view. Oh well.
Isn’t it funny how some of us think of ourselves as huge, whale-like figures yet it is also one of the most beautiful ways for a woman to look, all at the same time?!
Anyway, it was also at about this time last year that I was asking some questions in my head. Since giving birth, they all seem odd, crazy, dumb, absurd… I don’t even know how I came to some of them! But they were all very real and valid when I was still pregnant. It makes me laugh to think of them now.
Here are some of the questions I was pondering (some of which I actually asked out loud, some I thought it better that I kept to myself!) and the answers that I would tell myself if I was talking to myself 12 months ago:
- When do I take my clothes off? And do I leave my top on? I know I need to take my pants and undies off. But should I take my top off too? Will I just suddenly decide ‘Now’s the time’ and strip off. I’m used to taking my clothes off to shower or get changed. I’ve never taken them off to sit in a room with other people and push out a baby. If I was in a hospital, there would be a ‘time’ (probably because they’d give me a gown to wear). You’ll just know when – it will feel right (I ended up taking my clothes off when I got in the birth pool. Strangely I left my top on. Then it was uncomfortable in the pool, all wet and sticking to me, so it came off shortly after).
- How will I even know I’m in labour? You’ll know! Even if you think you still aren’t sure, there’s still a small voice in your head saying ‘this is it!’
- When do I get in the birthing pool? Will I even want to get in the birth pool? Where will I spend my time in labour? What will I do? Will I be able to hang out and play a game of cards or read a book? Or will I just want to do nothing? You’ll do whatever feels right. You won’t know until the time comes so stop worrying about it!
- When do I call our midwife? When do I ask her to come over? Should I prepare her a meal and a cup of coffee? Should I make her up a bed to rest in? You’ll tell her to come over whenever it feels right and don’t need to do anything – she has been to a million births! If she wants something she will get it herself or at least just leave it to Patrick!
These are just some of the questions I asked. I now think of them as crazy. Why did I even bother worrying about half of that stuff? And yet I never once worried about the safety of a home birth, or what I would do if things ‘went wrong’.
What were some of the questions you asked when you were pregnant? Questions that seem bizarre in hindsight? Or if you are pregnant for the first time now, what questions do you have that seem so crazy that you don’t know if you should even ask them?!